not the best day in the kingdom

SO, we went to the doctor again today. she is officially off the meds.. and they did nothing and i had the most grumpy baby i have had yet. ( yes i know i only have one! but she is usually soo happy.) and she has lost half a pound and is now officially under 13 pounds again. which is NOT what i like to see... 


soo as of know for all you wondering or care whats next...
I DO NOT KNOW. 
the doctor does not know what else to do..


i think that is the WORST thing that i can hear as a mother is that he is literally out of things to do with her, and has no more ideas left. cant send her back to the  pediatrician cause she hasnt dropped enough weight. so go back in 2 weeks and see if she gained it back or not.. if not than we will go to the pediatrician and see what they think. the only option left is the surgery, which they are not so keen on doing with such a little baby and they dont like putting babies under anyways. 


so today i got to watch the best doctor i have ever been to sit and just stare at her growth chart with nothing on his face.. he really is a amazing doctor. i love him. and am sad that he isnt subbing for my doctor anymore. but he just sat and stared for what felt like an hour but what was really 10 minutes.. we sat in just silence.. he doesnt know what else to do, there are not more drugs to try there is nothing left to try... i gues all we can do here is pray for her.. 


if this is another one of the "tests" that i have to go through in life im ready to give up.. so the test can stop now. 


i have sat and stayed strong every time that i see any doctor.. but today was not one of those days. the look on my doctors face alone made my heart break. he said sorry and that he wished there was more that he could do.. he was really bothered that there was nothing left and that the meds didnt work. he is a great guy. 


so thats lillie as of now.. we are literally out of things to try.. 


so till 2 weeks..
lillie loves you all and so do we, thanks for all of you that take the time to read! and caare! it means alot to both me and trevor. 

Locking famjam

lifeeee

Well no pictures this time...

just a fast update.

i hate talking about this but i think that i some how have to... this is my only way out cause i cry everytime i talk to someone seriously about it... i can handle the fast has anything changed but not the awful details.. i feel sooooo STUPID! cause there are soo many babies out there that are soo worse off and i know some to! but for me this is soo hard.... there is something new wrong everyday... and with her puking comes a what the doctors call a compermised (spelling i know but i cant figure it out sorry i hope you can figure it out) immune system. so my 6 month old has a immune system of about a 2 month old. hence she is sick almost every other week weather it be big or small... so not fun. but here is where we are at now.

Lillie got put on some meds, they are really strong and trevor and i are not having fun seeing our little girl take meds that they give to chemo patients! everytime i give it to her i almost cry. honestly i dont find it fair.. but oh well apparently doctors know best......? convinces? no im not...

anyways off topic. she has been on it for a week now... and it has honestly done nothing expect i have finally got to see what a grumpy and unhappy baby looks like... it sucks going from a almost always happy smiling or at least content baby to one that is miserable.. everyday.. she is puking just as much if not more. she has started on her 6 month solids... ex, chicken rice and veggies, or her seems to be fav beef with pasta and veggies... (she started the beginner ones when she was 3 months)

she pukes that up just as fast and easy as her formula... it is tough to watch my super healthy looking baby but actually not so healthy and not getting all the important nutrition that she needs.. she has broke 12 pounds and is a whopping 13.0..... she gain 1 pound in over 2 months... which is not what we nor the doctors like to hear.... or see.....

i hope that she gets rid of this soon.... and i dont know that they are going to try next... but for now i have to keep infecting her body with drugs.. for at least another week...

lilllie loves you all and so do we!

i go back to the doctor in a week.. i will update again.

catch up blog

Well I should really try and get better at this whole blogging thing... I started out strong, and have lost it! haha! so here is a little update on everything!!

Well first lets cover Lillie! 
She is growing, slowly, she is still soo small, she is just a tad over 12 pounds. Sometimes I just feel like a bad mom or that I am not doing something right! she gets a cold at least once every 2 weeks, or there is just something concerning with her. That is kinda getting old a bit, so we are a month away from getting to do something about it all! 6 months is the time where they can try new medication, which is good but not, im not so excited about pumping her full of drugs again. But I guess thats what we have to do, if that doesn't work i dont know what reallly will happen, i dont know if they will wait again or if they will do the surgery to get her to spot puking, but in less than a month i get to find out. She is a happy little girl! and LOVES her daddy. trevor has got to spend so great bonding time with her! he gets a special time everyday! while i teach piano he gets to cuddle and play with her! its great!! So thats our little lillie update. 
ps, she has this toy! its call sophie the( pardon the spelling here!) Giraffe.... its been like the number one kids toy for YEARS! ill try to find a picutre! she loves to eat her head! haha its so funny! OH! and we think she is going to be a lefty just like me! she reaches for everything with her left had first! 





I Guess we will move onto trevor!!
Well trevor got called back to work this week! he goes back monday! soo soon! for volker like early april is like early.. but he is going back a month early. which is both good and bad. he will sure miss his little bobo. and wont have to much time at night with her, which is sad, but he is just such a great dad for doing all that hard work. 
He and i have decided that trying online uni might be a good ideea for him so he can work the whole season, so he is going to do it though hopefully BYU. so he is getting ready for that as well. 
Trevor also turned 20 this month! holy cow! what a old fart!! jokes, but it is weird still being a teen and him not being one haha! 
AND HE GOT HIS FIRST BRAND SPANKIN NEW CAR! its a 2012 focus, SEL model. its soo nice to not have the worry of car problems! and so much safer for lillie! 

Well i guess it is my turn.
Nothing reallllly exciting has happened with me. besides the car! thats pretty sweeet! its sooo cute! 
i started going to volleyball with our ward on thursday nights and trvor has been helping me practice at our community centre! which is so fun! and a great way to work out! i am going to go into our stakes volleyball tourny which is in 2 weeks! and i soo hope trevor doesnt have to work so he can come watch with little lillie! if not i will still have one fan there to help me out! haha! 
I am doing good still with everything, i do get really upset about lillie still, and therefore i am VERY protective of her, but my doctor says that is SOOOO  normal cause she is my first and she has some health issues and what not! so i dont feel as bad! haha, but i can not help it just yet. ill get over it when she is better. but as long as im told its normal than i dont feel as bad. I feel bad cause i always get a little but upset and sometimes at lillie when she pukes but really thats not her fault. and after i always kiss her and hug her tight and say sorry, becuase my guns are for sure aimed the wrong way. 

So thats what new with the locking family for now. ill post some pictures for everyone to see!

we love play time! 

she loves pillows! she always cuddles right in! 

she even holds her bottle! for about a month now!

we went to zoo lights!! it was fun! lillie loved all the lights!

there she is! our new car!

trevors birthday cake! 

our christmas tree!! 

daddy loves to nap with her! 

sleeping at heritage park 

OH! and we had christmas too! we had it here at our house! it was a long day! and lillie fell asleep opening her presents! haha 

TIll next time! i wont wait as long! 

Lmy random thoughts

So sometimes in life there are downs but mostly ups!! you know i have learned though, that sometimes having downs in life is a good thing. cause it just makes us stronger. not saying downs are fun. but i always feel like after a down moment or conflict is taken care of i always just feel a bit better in a way because i feel like getting over and through things is a sign of strength. sometimes i feel it is important to have those not so good moments. but after if im sad the best thing i do is go hold or kiss my little princess and i know that all the work put in getting through things is for her!!

honestly there is nothing in the world better than knowing you have done something amazing for your child. its weird, like i swear! lillie always knows when mama needs a pick me up. or a good cuddle. its cool. cause shes so small but she can just sense when something is wrong. and she always just puts a smile on my face!! even when i feel like i would rather stay sad or want to cry i just cant when i have my babyy!!

which brings me to another thought. it amazes me that there can be soooo much love from soo many people to one little being! its amazing to have soo many people caring about my little girl!

those are my random thoughts for the day!!

been a while update!

Sooooo it has kinda been a while since I posted here!! 


Since last time we have had Christmas and new years and some other exciting news! 


WE GOT A NEW CAR! its a 2012 ford focus! super nice little car! we are soo pumped! and the Malibu sold!


sooo great!! 


we also had a family photo shoot! which i will put some pictures up later in the post!! 


Christmas was pretty swell! it was Lillies first! so that was super fun I think for mostly me, as I wrapped EVERYTHING on its own! so I got to open them all up for her! but she fell asleep! haha so that was funny! We had Christmas at our house with everyone here! we were only missing Jen and Sean-Paul, cozy and Everett! which was sad! but we still had fun! but MAN IS IT ALOT OF WORK! I only had to make one thing as we spread the duties out to everyone! but there is still sooo much work hosting a Christmas! but it was good non the less! 


SO now in the new year I have Trevor home for a bit before he goes back to volker! which is great! he is spending as much time with Lillie as he can! and he is just the cutest with her! he sure does love him! and she sure loves her daddy!! he is soo good to her! with everything that we have had to go through with her it is soo nice to see him staying calm as I'm the one freaking out and comforting not just me but her so well! 


I have really got my piano and voice lessons moving i have 9 students! which is so great! i am really enjoying spreading the joy of music to little kids! it is great! 


And that's pretty well everything that has happened since last post!! we are just laying low enjoying being together as a family! and getting to do things all together! like lillies favorite new thing is swimming and bath time! so even if it is just watching her go NUTS kicking in the bath we love doing it together! and watching her learn new things!


She has got really great at smiling and even is starting to giggle! which is super cute! she grabs things and will also stand up! (with help of course!!) shes an amazing baby really! she is just soo laid back most of the time! i mean don't get me wrong she has times where she just needs her mommy and i LOVE that feeling! there really is nothing better than having your baby want you more than anything! sometimes she plays shy now! but we will have to see how far that goes! like she really doesn't like waking up and being somewhere else where she doesn't know where she cant see Trevor or i, and she doesn't like waking up to other people getting her. she has her own personality! and it is great! she is really reminding me look wise of myself when i was a baby! so that's funny to! 


so theres a fast and little up date on the family!! 


here's some recent pictures! 

HER EYES ARE TREVORS FOR SURE! SOOOOOO BLUE!

rest mostly me! =) for now 

my little family! 

this is currently my favorite picture of them together! he is just so loving to her! 

my sleeping beauty! 

she was just talking away! 

BAHAHA! sooo funnny! 

HI BABY! 

AND OF COURSE OUR PHOTOS WERE DONE BY ABBY!

love them and her! 

LOVE THE LOCKINGS!

Lillies little lamb

So, a update on Lillie! 

She is just a doll. She is starting to be able to remember people she sees a lot and will stare at them instead of just me and Trevor, with the occasional grumpy look, she really knows our friend Ashleigh, cause she comes and visits a lot so I don't get bored. On a fast side note, Ashleigh has become a really close friend to Trevor and I, she really is just like a sister because we are INSANELY alike so that's fun cause I finally have someone who REALLLLLLY gets me to the core, and I get her, so she really is more like a family member than a best friend! ANYWHO! Back to Lille! she is growing and I wish she wouldn't so fast! She is already 8 weeks old!  

But the funny part is, see that little lamb down below?? 

SHE LOVES IT! she won't go in her car seat at ALL if she doesn't have it with her! which is funny! and clearly as the pictures below she loves to sleep with it to, and wont with out it... so she already is getting attached to things and she loves her binkie as well.... sooo that might suck later on! but for now its cute! and the best part is, ( and I don't know how to tell for sure in these pictures) BUT I PROMISE YOU ALL, that she holds that thing for dear life! I'll try to get a picture of her in her car seat and she CLINGS to it! Its just SOO CUTE! 

And Trevor gave her her blessing on Sunday the 6th of November! He did AMAZING! He went up there and just let it flow sooo well, it all was just so from the heart and from heavenly father! People are still calling me telling how it amazing it was! It was awesome to see him get to do that as her father! and the circle was awesome! There was just sooo much love in the circle and we have probably a equivalent of about 4 big rows in the chapel! It was amazing to see all her family and firends joined together to be there to support Trevor and Lillie! And see how many people just love her! 

SOOOOO I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S ALL FOR NOW RIGHT NOW THATS NEW WITH THE LOCKING FAM! 

November 5th and 6th!

Lillie got to meet Grandpa Bly this weekend!!! (my dad) it was soo great to see him!! 

She just wouldnt stop looking at him! haha 

Trying to get her to go to sleep! 

Thats a happy grandpa!! 

My dad used to do this with me all the time! to the point where I can remember it!

I loved it and so did she! 

He had this little heater! and he just layed her in front of it! when she woke up and after her bath! 

she just LOVED IT! guess I may need one of these in the near future! 

If you look she is holding on SOOO tight to grandpas hand her tips of her fingers were white! 

In front of the heater again! 

SHE JUST ATE! HAHA SOO FAT! 

Auntie Shayla also surprised me and came to her blessing and got to meet little baby Lillie!