update

well i have a few minutes. so i figured i would update you all...
TODAY SHE IS 10 MONTHS OLD.
so lillie finally rolled over. about a month ago now. as you all saw.
she isnt any bigger yet.
her puking was way down, which was great expect for that she was losing the most weight ever. now we are just pretty sure dr. kelly is out of ideas and is just ignoring us. which isnt great. so we are in the process of getting a new one! yaay
she is great at pivoting. and has started to do what looks like a army crawl. but she will only do that sometimes.
she LOVES pasta... especially kraft dinner.... gets that one from her daddy.. but it should fatten her up! haha


Bad news is.
she has started her puking up really bad again... which isnt what we wanted to see...  SO i  kinda feel like we are back to stage one with it.... but hopefully now that she is older they will have new answers.

SOMETHING IMPORTANT

SOMETHING EXCITING HAPPENED IN THE LOCKING HOUSE!


LILLIE ROLLED OVER!!!


SHE FINALLY DID IT!

i almost cried! i am soo proud of my little baby!

now she wont stop! and she is ALREADY is trying to push herself. so i think crawling is coming our way!

i have a vid, but i cant upload it! but it is very exciting!

now that i have had time to be happy...

So I know I posted not to long ago about being so excited about the news on lillie, and i still am... what is getting me now is really honestly what is this.... she is doing worse than ever and everything is coming back okaye.. why is this little body not absorbing the nourishment that she needs to help her grow.. like i posted in my post a couple times ago, she had dropped a FULL pound in 3 weeks ( please it takes her like 4 months to gain a pound, why is it so easy to loss it!?) which is what finally got the doctors worried.. but now thiat it is isnt syliac, what is it? Lillie has always had hard time gaining the weight she needed and always would loose some every so often, but usualy like 5-6oz.. and the doctors worried... this whole pound thing has got they really serious... but if it isnt this than what is it???

i have been racking my brain all day since i found out and i just dont get it. oh well i guess..

all i know is i wish something showed up for them to go off of. cause now we are at literally nothing. I guess i feel i should be used to this by now the whole no answer thing but when it is at the worst point for her she has ever been, i start to worry... what if they never figure it out?? shes gotten so small i even got to bring out some of her NEWBORN cloths again.. cause her 0-3's are to big.. sad.

oh well i guess this is my little rant... at this point we havent even got to make a apt back with the pedi cause he is still waiting on some stuff...

i know i sound silly. but i guess it comes with being a first time mother. i just wish there was more i could do.

WELLLLLLLLLLLL

Well after the longest 2 days of my life we got the call for the results of lillies blood work today...

EVERYTHING IS NOMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


after 8 months of no good news i feel this is great! so glad she doesnt have syliac... (spelling sorry)

but with this AMAZING news comes the not great part. now we dont know what it is. so back to square one...

BUT NOT EVEN THAT CAN RAIN ON MY PARADE TODAY!

LILLIE

Well i didnt update really last time. but last time we went she weighed 13 pounds... we had to get her some physio, cause she is not where she should be developmentally where she should be.

so we went for a follow up today... and we hoped for some weight gain, since she hasnt been puking as much.. but she did her biggest drop.. she went from 13 exactly, to 12 exactly... thats a whole pound.... which isnt good. so now i have to take her for a bunch of tests. and blood work..... hopefully this will show something...

i just feel sooo bad for my little girl... i think it is unfair... oh well..

anywho thats lillie.. and the doctors are FINALLY concerned.. i guess that is the only good thing from all this.

no new post

we went to the pedi.. thats about all the good that came from it..

im sure in a couple days ill explain everything. but not now. to fresh.

the doctor apt

Well we had another doc apt today. this one is going to be short. I'm not in the blogging mood..

Lillie has dropped down to 12.6lb. almost a full pound from a month ago. not what we as parents or the docs like to see. so they are sending us back to the perdition and than from there we will maybe but most likely get sent to the children's hospital where there is a growth and development. clinic.

so i wait till Monday to see if i get the new pedeatrition like we want or if the wait is to long we will go to the same one. but we all including the doctors want a different one. but we dont want to wait much longer ( thats kinda funny isn't it) (well to me it is)

so sorry for the spelling mistakes.

but that's lillie today.

i do have a couple pictures for this post though!!

so i guess that's exciting!

 this picture just made me melt. so i had to try to get it and i  did! with out either of them knowing! haha

this is the new sophie! she loves this bunny! she will not sleep with out it!

i guess you could say she is a mamas girl! and i am MORE than okaye with  that! 

Thats all for now! 

Janelle

 

not the best day in the kingdom

SO, we went to the doctor again today. she is officially off the meds.. and they did nothing and i had the most grumpy baby i have had yet. ( yes i know i only have one! but she is usually soo happy.) and she has lost half a pound and is now officially under 13 pounds again. which is NOT what i like to see... 


soo as of know for all you wondering or care whats next...
I DO NOT KNOW. 
the doctor does not know what else to do..


i think that is the WORST thing that i can hear as a mother is that he is literally out of things to do with her, and has no more ideas left. cant send her back to the  pediatrician cause she hasnt dropped enough weight. so go back in 2 weeks and see if she gained it back or not.. if not than we will go to the pediatrician and see what they think. the only option left is the surgery, which they are not so keen on doing with such a little baby and they dont like putting babies under anyways. 


so today i got to watch the best doctor i have ever been to sit and just stare at her growth chart with nothing on his face.. he really is a amazing doctor. i love him. and am sad that he isnt subbing for my doctor anymore. but he just sat and stared for what felt like an hour but what was really 10 minutes.. we sat in just silence.. he doesnt know what else to do, there are not more drugs to try there is nothing left to try... i gues all we can do here is pray for her.. 


if this is another one of the "tests" that i have to go through in life im ready to give up.. so the test can stop now. 


i have sat and stayed strong every time that i see any doctor.. but today was not one of those days. the look on my doctors face alone made my heart break. he said sorry and that he wished there was more that he could do.. he was really bothered that there was nothing left and that the meds didnt work. he is a great guy. 


so thats lillie as of now.. we are literally out of things to try.. 


so till 2 weeks..
lillie loves you all and so do we, thanks for all of you that take the time to read! and caare! it means alot to both me and trevor. 

Locking famjam

lifeeee

Well no pictures this time...

just a fast update.

i hate talking about this but i think that i some how have to... this is my only way out cause i cry everytime i talk to someone seriously about it... i can handle the fast has anything changed but not the awful details.. i feel sooooo STUPID! cause there are soo many babies out there that are soo worse off and i know some to! but for me this is soo hard.... there is something new wrong everyday... and with her puking comes a what the doctors call a compermised (spelling i know but i cant figure it out sorry i hope you can figure it out) immune system. so my 6 month old has a immune system of about a 2 month old. hence she is sick almost every other week weather it be big or small... so not fun. but here is where we are at now.

Lillie got put on some meds, they are really strong and trevor and i are not having fun seeing our little girl take meds that they give to chemo patients! everytime i give it to her i almost cry. honestly i dont find it fair.. but oh well apparently doctors know best......? convinces? no im not...

anyways off topic. she has been on it for a week now... and it has honestly done nothing expect i have finally got to see what a grumpy and unhappy baby looks like... it sucks going from a almost always happy smiling or at least content baby to one that is miserable.. everyday.. she is puking just as much if not more. she has started on her 6 month solids... ex, chicken rice and veggies, or her seems to be fav beef with pasta and veggies... (she started the beginner ones when she was 3 months)

she pukes that up just as fast and easy as her formula... it is tough to watch my super healthy looking baby but actually not so healthy and not getting all the important nutrition that she needs.. she has broke 12 pounds and is a whopping 13.0..... she gain 1 pound in over 2 months... which is not what we nor the doctors like to hear.... or see.....

i hope that she gets rid of this soon.... and i dont know that they are going to try next... but for now i have to keep infecting her body with drugs.. for at least another week...

lilllie loves you all and so do we!

i go back to the doctor in a week.. i will update again.

catch up blog

Well I should really try and get better at this whole blogging thing... I started out strong, and have lost it! haha! so here is a little update on everything!!

Well first lets cover Lillie! 
She is growing, slowly, she is still soo small, she is just a tad over 12 pounds. Sometimes I just feel like a bad mom or that I am not doing something right! she gets a cold at least once every 2 weeks, or there is just something concerning with her. That is kinda getting old a bit, so we are a month away from getting to do something about it all! 6 months is the time where they can try new medication, which is good but not, im not so excited about pumping her full of drugs again. But I guess thats what we have to do, if that doesn't work i dont know what reallly will happen, i dont know if they will wait again or if they will do the surgery to get her to spot puking, but in less than a month i get to find out. She is a happy little girl! and LOVES her daddy. trevor has got to spend so great bonding time with her! he gets a special time everyday! while i teach piano he gets to cuddle and play with her! its great!! So thats our little lillie update. 
ps, she has this toy! its call sophie the( pardon the spelling here!) Giraffe.... its been like the number one kids toy for YEARS! ill try to find a picutre! she loves to eat her head! haha its so funny! OH! and we think she is going to be a lefty just like me! she reaches for everything with her left had first! 





I Guess we will move onto trevor!!
Well trevor got called back to work this week! he goes back monday! soo soon! for volker like early april is like early.. but he is going back a month early. which is both good and bad. he will sure miss his little bobo. and wont have to much time at night with her, which is sad, but he is just such a great dad for doing all that hard work. 
He and i have decided that trying online uni might be a good ideea for him so he can work the whole season, so he is going to do it though hopefully BYU. so he is getting ready for that as well. 
Trevor also turned 20 this month! holy cow! what a old fart!! jokes, but it is weird still being a teen and him not being one haha! 
AND HE GOT HIS FIRST BRAND SPANKIN NEW CAR! its a 2012 focus, SEL model. its soo nice to not have the worry of car problems! and so much safer for lillie! 

Well i guess it is my turn.
Nothing reallllly exciting has happened with me. besides the car! thats pretty sweeet! its sooo cute! 
i started going to volleyball with our ward on thursday nights and trvor has been helping me practice at our community centre! which is so fun! and a great way to work out! i am going to go into our stakes volleyball tourny which is in 2 weeks! and i soo hope trevor doesnt have to work so he can come watch with little lillie! if not i will still have one fan there to help me out! haha! 
I am doing good still with everything, i do get really upset about lillie still, and therefore i am VERY protective of her, but my doctor says that is SOOOO  normal cause she is my first and she has some health issues and what not! so i dont feel as bad! haha, but i can not help it just yet. ill get over it when she is better. but as long as im told its normal than i dont feel as bad. I feel bad cause i always get a little but upset and sometimes at lillie when she pukes but really thats not her fault. and after i always kiss her and hug her tight and say sorry, becuase my guns are for sure aimed the wrong way. 

So thats what new with the locking family for now. ill post some pictures for everyone to see!

we love play time! 

she loves pillows! she always cuddles right in! 

she even holds her bottle! for about a month now!

we went to zoo lights!! it was fun! lillie loved all the lights!

there she is! our new car!

trevors birthday cake! 

our christmas tree!! 

daddy loves to nap with her! 

sleeping at heritage park 

OH! and we had christmas too! we had it here at our house! it was a long day! and lillie fell asleep opening her presents! haha 

TIll next time! i wont wait as long! 

Lmy random thoughts

So sometimes in life there are downs but mostly ups!! you know i have learned though, that sometimes having downs in life is a good thing. cause it just makes us stronger. not saying downs are fun. but i always feel like after a down moment or conflict is taken care of i always just feel a bit better in a way because i feel like getting over and through things is a sign of strength. sometimes i feel it is important to have those not so good moments. but after if im sad the best thing i do is go hold or kiss my little princess and i know that all the work put in getting through things is for her!!

honestly there is nothing in the world better than knowing you have done something amazing for your child. its weird, like i swear! lillie always knows when mama needs a pick me up. or a good cuddle. its cool. cause shes so small but she can just sense when something is wrong. and she always just puts a smile on my face!! even when i feel like i would rather stay sad or want to cry i just cant when i have my babyy!!

which brings me to another thought. it amazes me that there can be soooo much love from soo many people to one little being! its amazing to have soo many people caring about my little girl!

those are my random thoughts for the day!!

been a while update!

Sooooo it has kinda been a while since I posted here!! 


Since last time we have had Christmas and new years and some other exciting news! 


WE GOT A NEW CAR! its a 2012 ford focus! super nice little car! we are soo pumped! and the Malibu sold!


sooo great!! 


we also had a family photo shoot! which i will put some pictures up later in the post!! 


Christmas was pretty swell! it was Lillies first! so that was super fun I think for mostly me, as I wrapped EVERYTHING on its own! so I got to open them all up for her! but she fell asleep! haha so that was funny! We had Christmas at our house with everyone here! we were only missing Jen and Sean-Paul, cozy and Everett! which was sad! but we still had fun! but MAN IS IT ALOT OF WORK! I only had to make one thing as we spread the duties out to everyone! but there is still sooo much work hosting a Christmas! but it was good non the less! 


SO now in the new year I have Trevor home for a bit before he goes back to volker! which is great! he is spending as much time with Lillie as he can! and he is just the cutest with her! he sure does love him! and she sure loves her daddy!! he is soo good to her! with everything that we have had to go through with her it is soo nice to see him staying calm as I'm the one freaking out and comforting not just me but her so well! 


I have really got my piano and voice lessons moving i have 9 students! which is so great! i am really enjoying spreading the joy of music to little kids! it is great! 


And that's pretty well everything that has happened since last post!! we are just laying low enjoying being together as a family! and getting to do things all together! like lillies favorite new thing is swimming and bath time! so even if it is just watching her go NUTS kicking in the bath we love doing it together! and watching her learn new things!


She has got really great at smiling and even is starting to giggle! which is super cute! she grabs things and will also stand up! (with help of course!!) shes an amazing baby really! she is just soo laid back most of the time! i mean don't get me wrong she has times where she just needs her mommy and i LOVE that feeling! there really is nothing better than having your baby want you more than anything! sometimes she plays shy now! but we will have to see how far that goes! like she really doesn't like waking up and being somewhere else where she doesn't know where she cant see Trevor or i, and she doesn't like waking up to other people getting her. she has her own personality! and it is great! she is really reminding me look wise of myself when i was a baby! so that's funny to! 


so theres a fast and little up date on the family!! 


here's some recent pictures! 

HER EYES ARE TREVORS FOR SURE! SOOOOOO BLUE!

rest mostly me! =) for now 

my little family! 

this is currently my favorite picture of them together! he is just so loving to her! 

my sleeping beauty! 

she was just talking away! 

BAHAHA! sooo funnny! 

HI BABY! 

AND OF COURSE OUR PHOTOS WERE DONE BY ABBY!

love them and her! 

LOVE THE LOCKINGS!